I've Got A Crush On You.....

If you knew me when I was younger you probably already know about my lack of understanding of the phenomena of crushes. I never got them. I didn't really know what one was, certainly never had a crush as such on anyone. I just went through life wishing for a boyfriend, however never actually wishing it was a certain person. Yes I definitely admired people I'd met and knew, or considered various physical characteristics attractive. But I never so much had the swoon like reaction to someone, talking gibberish at them and generally just melting into a ball of useless pink goo whenever you think about them.

Well, at long last that has changed. I finally understand what it feels like to have a crush on someone. I feel like a numpty; very shy, self conscious and kicking myself for saying such stupid things and generally looking and acting ridiculous around them. Oh the joys of attraction.
However I won't be doing anything about this crush, just trying ignore my feelings and act like a normal person. I need to be single right now, and I doubt this guy would reciprocate any feelings I have, he's out of my league. I will leave it at friends and generally get to know him better. Who knows, maybe something could happen later on down the line. But not now. I just have to ignore the fact he's one of only a small handful of guys I've ever found really good looking and attractive. The problem is, even though he's externally very appealing, the more I get to know him, the more I'm attracted to him as he's such a great guy and I'd like him even if he looked like the back end of a bus!

Oh crikey, my life seems to have turned upside down in the past few months! If you'd told me at the beginning of this year that within 6 months I'd be joking around in a hot tub with friends, heavily involved with the church, free, single and overcome by girly emotions, I'd never have believed you. Life seems fantastic again, it's been a long time. I've been through a heck of a lot in my 20 years, however as my friend said "there's still a fun loving little girl inside shining through".

Hmm, today's Bible verses seem somewhat fitting to my situation.

July 14, 2008

Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34:8

How very true, since coming back to Christ my world has gone from strength to strength. Not everything is hunky dory, I doubt it ever will be, fallen world after all. All the same, I've been incredibly blessed in these few months back home in God's family where I belong.

So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
		Luke 11:9-10

Yet again, this seems to be happening time and time again. I asked for a way out of my previous situation. A situation I'd thought would be hard to leave, but it turned out to be far easier and safer than I ever imagined. And now the things I'd been longing for for so many years I've found, all through the work of God and His people. So, with this whole crush business I will do the same. Put it into God's hands, if something is meant to happen, it will in good time, in the mean time, I ask for composure so I can hopefully gain a good friend without letting silly feelings spoiling it.


People ask why there are never any miracles being performed in the modern world. Mind you the flocks to the Florida Healing Outpouring would tell you otherwise. But irrespective of any big wowzer miracles going on, there are millions of miracles happening everyday. People just are too busy or preoccupied with the world to notice. But given some of my circumstances, how on earth I manage to maintain a genuine cheery disposition (most of the time) is a miracle in itself. It's all a matter of faith.

Once more I'm up at some absurd time, I need to go to sleep, not only my mother is going beserk at my sleeping patterns and sleep deprived affectation, but my friends are showing concern.
Night all, or rather, morning.