The Gift of Worship

Worship, worshipping God, through song, dance and music. One of my favourite ways to communicate with God. It's very rare to find me driving without some sort of worship CD on singing along, or even just singing on my own, driving, walking through town, doing the housework (okay more worship than housework). So being asked to sing with members of the church is fantastic. I was extremely apprehensive, but I went along on Wednesday afternoon to sing with Mark and Tracey, intimate and informal. Yes I was terrified, singing in public isn't my forte, I feel very exposed and vulnerable to criticism. But I reminded myself, this wasn't about my singing ability, it was glorifying God with my voice. Whether it be tuneful, well projected and in key is irrelevant, any voice in worship is still a beautiful sound to God.

However the rumours would seem to have some truth, and my vocal tutor isn't praising my talents for cash flow purposes (at least I hope not). I can apparently sing, and when I want to, and when I let myself, I do have a pretty powerful voice. So consequently I've been asked to join the youth worship band (I can get away with it at 20). But not only to sing with them but to lead them it would seem. Something along the lines of "They need a strong singer to lead the vocals". Truth be told I've never really heard them, and I guess I always assumed any acoustic problems were to do with the lack of sound checking and decent microphone technique as that's the problem the main worship group have, not poor vocals. Also I never thought I'd be asked to participate for my lack of talent and the fact I'm too old for the youth worship (they're all 14 to 17). But neither seem to be an issue. So hopefully I can use this apparent gift I have and put it to good work. I just have rather a lot of self esteem and confidence hurdles to get over. But with God's help I will be able to. If it weren't for the fact I sing in worship I don't think I could ever sing in public, especially not a solo. But Wednesday proved that I can hold a tune by myself whilst singing into a microphone, my voice magnified to fill the whole sanctuary. Scary stuff.

Anyway enough about me. The reason I'm blogging about worship is because I feel there are a lot of problems with worship in the church. I'm talking about church as a whole, not a particular congregation, community or building or denomination. I find there are 4 types of worship;
-Performed worship
-Contrived worship
-Assisted worship
-Leaded worship


Performed worship
I find this a lot at youth events. It's a band on centre stage, all exceptionally talented, and one or a couple of fantastic vocalists. They play more like they're performing to an audience; the congregation. And like with any rock concert or pop gig they're encouraged to join in, but the focus is on the band and singers. Often there are lots of special stage effects, lighting, smoke machines, multiple instruments which the musicians rotate through, particularly electric guitars. There are long complex instrumental parts, not for personal reflection as such but more a showcase of musical ability, cue a drum or guitar solo. And the singer or singers will add in a multitude of harmonies.
Don't misunderstand me, there's nothing wrong with all this, it's brilliant people can use their gifts in such a way to glorify God. But as for leading worship, I find this method somewhat alienating. How can the congregation lift their voices to the Lord if they're not quite sure of the song as it's hard to distinguish the melody from the harmonies, or even hear their own voices for the intense volume of the music. The order of the verses and choruses has been changed yet no one is giving any sort of cue as to what line comes next, we're not all musical virtuosos or mind readers so we need the worship leaders to give appropriate cues.

Contrived Worship
For some reason Americans spring to mind with this one. Very enthusiastic worship, where everyone is expected to join in. They are almost told when to clap, how to clap, raise their arms in praise, jump up and down etc. It's all very formulated and synchronised. It's great to see a whole congregation clapping in time and raising their arms. But it's not everyone's cup of tea, so seeing everyone in uniform praise is very unnatural as we are all individuals and have very different ways of communicating and worshipping God. Some people really aren't comfortable with it, and yes it's good to encourage active worship, using your whole self and not just your vocal chords and urge people out of their comfort zones, but making them feel obliged or even forced to do it is another thing entirely.
The same happens with prayer. Praying out loud is a very powerful form of worship and witness, and it's encouraging to see and hear others in prayer. But it takes a lot of confidence, and for some it's not how they talk to God as prayer is such a personal thing. So when you're put into small groups and everyone has to contribute to prayer time it becomes very stressful for those uncomfortable with the notion, and prayer should never be stressful, it should be a time of calm and peace. I struggle with praying out loud, it really makes me nervous especially as when it comes to your turn you feel foolish in front of your peers as you mumble something that means nothing to you or face the consequential questioning looks after prayer time if you didn't contribute. Why didn't you pray? Do you not care about ?
We shouldn't be told how to worship, how to pray, how to communicate with God. We shouldn't be made to conform to an idea of how praise should be.

Assisted worship
This is what I like to call meek and mild worship. Basically the band is made up of anyone who can play an instrument, they don't have regular rehearsals or private worship as a group so everything is somewhat unorganised. They turn up on the day and play the music. The singers are all backing singers and have no desire to take a lead, but stand holding their microphones near their chests, meekly singing along. They seem to provide the music for the congregation to sing along to, but the congregation have to do most of the work when it comes to producing any kind of volume and flesh. So if you have a song the congregation aren't familiar with everything falls apart as they have no strong lead to indicate how the music goes, no one to listen to to help pitch the right notes and know when the verse comes in.
Also given the fact everything is usually rather quiet, you don't get enthusiastic involvement from the congregation as they feel too exposed to sing full pelt. The heart is in the right place, but there's no passion.

Leaded worship
This is how worship should be. Not a band taking centre stage and performing, or a group of people just providing helpful music in the corner of the room, but a well put together group of musicians with the confidence to lead the whole of the church in worship, but still keep the focus on God above and not the amazing vocal talents of the singers. Not instructing them in how to worship, but still showing how the song goes, the rises and falls in the pitch of the music and when the verses begin and when the choruses start and end. The worship team are there to encourage and inspire worship. To show the way to communicate with God, offer Him glory and welcome people into His presence. It should be honest, heartfelt and humble.

So in remembering this, if I do ever go on to lead any kind of worship, I need to keep in mind it's not about my ability to sing or play an instrument, but my passion to praise God and in doing so encourage others to worship. And the same applies to anyone else, it's not how technically able they are, or how well they can manipulate their vocal chords, but their ability to inspire others to engage in worship. So less critical thoughts when the drummer fails to keep time or the singers are flat.

Hopefully I'll be able to use my voice one day to lead worship, I'd always pictured myself when I was younger as being able to sing beautifully and with great gusto and volume. Especially placed within the church helping to alight people's passion for Jesus. My mother was and still is a wonderful singer and I aspired to be like her. She'd sing so passionately even when others around her were somewhat reserved. As a result gradually those close to her would also raise their voices as that apprehension about being heard was lessened and they had someone to listen to and learn from as to how the song was supposed to sound. I thought my dreams would never amount to anything for my lack of singing ability. But perhaps there is still hope.



Sing like there's no one listening, dance like no one's watching, Praise the Lord with all your heart, strength and soul.
Every time I enter into worship I try to think like that, just me and God, no one else. We have no reason to sing, make music or to dance, we can survive without music and dance, our existence has no reliance upon them. They are glorious gifts from God and so we should use them to honour his name.



Finally some scriptural reference to the importance of worship in giving thanks to God, witnessing to others and strengthening our relationship with the Father.

John 4:23-24
But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship him. God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.

1 Chronicles 16:9
Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts.

1 Chronicles 16:23
Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day.

2 Chronicles 5:13
The trumpeters and singers joined in unison, as with one voice, to give praise and thanks to the LORD. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, they raised their voices in praise to the LORD and sang: "He is good; his love endures forever." Then the temple of the LORD was filled with a cloud,

Psalm 59:16
But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 150
Praise the LORD! Praise God in His sanctuary; Praise Him in His mighty expanse. Praise Him for His mighty deeds; Praise Him according to His excellent greatness. Praise Him with trumpet sound; Praise Him with harp and lyre. Praise Him with timbrel and dancing; Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe. Praise Him with loud cymbals; Praise Him with resounding cymbals. Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!

The One

I seem to be writing a lot about relationships recently.... hmmm, ah well, c'est la vie.

I don't know why I came across this, it's on a Jewish website, and I'm certainly not Jewish (or rather I'm an evolved Jew as I like to say). But it's a fairly wise piece of advice regarding life partners, your future wife or husband. If only I'd read this months, even years ago, I could have saved myself a lot of anguish. I've included the article at the bottom of this post (making it a rather hefty post!)

I guess marriage has been playing on my mind recently, whether it be from joking about getting married with my friend as a solution to sexual desires and sexual immorality. Debates about civil partnership and the pros and cons of gay marriage. Even looking back at my history. I was thumbing through my diary and came across my year planner, and there inscribed under October 2009 was the word "wedding".
It made me quite sad to see it, not because I'm upset I'm no longer getting married, but because I'd made no effort to highlight it. Birthday reminders were in big bold handwriting accompanied by balloons and stars and the like. But here was what is supposed to be the one of the happiest days of my life written in just normal handwriting, in fact if anything slightly sloppy, no attention paid to the event. Surely that should have set off alarm bells.
Even the simple, quick "yes" to the proposal, more like a business transaction than elation at being asked "the question". The numerous pub lunches eaten in silence as we'd run out of conversation topics, everything I'd bring up was quickly batted down as being uninteresting or not worth talking about. What happened to the passion in my life? Why did I settle for what I had, why did I plan to resign myself to that life?

Looking at my current situation, I'm filled with the joy of living. Yes I still struggle with feelings of depression, anxiety and the like. But for once I feel I'm alive, not just existing. Even my friendships are filled with ten times more passion than that I had with my fiancé. What a crying shame.
I'm just so glad I returned to the church and rediscovered my faith. All those years I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to have a relationship with God, but there was this huge big obstacle in my life I'd neglected to notice. Now it's gone, I feel fabulous and can really continue my walk with Jesus unhindered. I've rekindled old friendships and made many new friends. The support network I lacked has returned in abundance. Every time I go to church I meet wonderful people, and see old friends, young and old, all caring and loving. The church is such a fabulous community, full of love. Which is essentially what Christianity is all about. Love. Even if I never marry I know I will always have love, love to give to others and love to receive.

At least, throughout all my experience, the dark times I've gone through, I've learnt a lot of valuable lessons. On thing's for sure I'll be far more careful with future relationships. I want my future husband to be perfect for me, and I believe God will provide such a man. Of course he won't be a perfect person, but there will be no one better out there for me. I won't settle for second best again, or even what happens to be available as it's the easy and less scary option. I may have to take a tougher path, but it'll be worth it.

And just to quote lyrics from a favourite song of mine by Fairground Attraction to reinforce my plight.

I don't want half hearted love affairs
I need someone who really cares.
Life is too short to play silly games
I've promised myself I won't do that again.

It's got to be perfect
It's got to be worth it
yeah.
Too many people take second best
But I won't take anything less
It's got to be
yeah
perfect.

Young hearts are foolish
they make such mistakes
They're much too eager to give their love away.
Well
I have been foolish too many times
Now I'm determined I'm gonna get it right.

It's got to be perfect

Here's that article, taken from http://www.aish.com

About three years ago, a friend of mine met a woman. Two weeks later, when he told me that she was The One, I helpfully pointed out that it takes Amazon.com longer to ship me a book. I am happy to report that they are still (to be honest, nauseatingly) in love, married two years and completely without doubt that they stood under the chuppah alongside their soul mate.

Lucky them. For the rest of us, lurching toward the M-word is a little less clear. You reach a point in your vaunted relationship where it's either "do"(that whole nuptials thing) or "die"(bye-bye, relationship). And how are you supposed to know?

"I love him," (or her), we think. "But is this person the I want to be with for the rest of my life?"

You can think about this so much and so hard and so long that the bloom wears off the relationship and all of a sudden it's three years later and someone asks why it didn't work out with so-and-so and you don't really have an answer.

Even worse is getting caught up in the wonderment and bliss that new love offers -- that heady, intoxicating heaven-on-earth of fresh devotion -- and then discovering (when the catering contract is already signed) that she wants to buy a small cottage in Maine and you were expecting to raise a large family in Los Angeles.

Dreamily remarking that you hope your kids have his eyes is NOT communication.

Toward whichever end of the scale you fall, asking yourself some honest questions can reveal whether you have the groundwork necessary for a successful marriage.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

Every relationship is helped by good communication, but a marriage will not survive without it. So you need to figure out if you and your beloved can talk and share openly. Can you express your feelings, needs and share when you're hurt? Does he/she listen to and understand you (or at least try)? Do you listen to your partner and feel comfortable that she/he is open with you?

More than feelings, you have to be able to discuss life issues. Solid communication is NOT dreamily remarking that you hope your kids have his eyes. Can you discuss your personal strengths and weaknesses, your vision of a family and how it works, your priorities, your attitude toward money, and how you want to structure your daily life?

What happens when you disagree? Can the two of you take a painful or difficult problem and work it through? Resolving issues involves discussion and solution, not merely a cessation of hostilities or a well-placed bribe. Sending flowers or offering a backrub is not called "working it through."

Be concerned if you find yourself continually quelling feelings of resentment or anger, or if you feel that your partner isn't open and honest with you. Be even more concerned if you find yourself avoiding serious discussions -- or if you hold back from expressing your true feelings, goals or opinions -- because you worry about what your partner might think or say.

You must feel safe exposing your truest, innermost self.

Marriage Lite does not work in the long-run. You must feel safe exposing your truest, innermost self to this person.

THE VISION THING

It's essential that he/she see that inner you. After all, marriage is about building a life together. Once you've communicated your feelings, hopes and dreams, you need to check that what you want out of life matches your partner's vision.

The big and obvious questions are children (if, now or later, and how many), religious issues, and priorities such as balancing work and family. If you're looking for a wife who will stay home full-time with the kids, you'd better clear it with your partner-track lawyer girlfriend before you start shopping for diamonds. If you want a new car every two years, fancy vacations and designer clothes, be sure you're marrying someone who won't mind you doing 60- or 70-hour workweeks. If religion is important to you, don't marry someone who views spirituality as a bunch of bunk.

Check that what you want out of life matches your partner's vision.

Disjunctions in those areas can doom a marriage before it begins.

Don't stop there, though. Your vision should include the smaller stuff, too. Within reason.

If you love entertaining, you may be frustrated with a wife who views her home as a sanctuary from other people. If you're a major saver, you may protest when your husband wants to charge the down payment on a house. If you love working out and hiking, you may have trouble adjusting to life with someone who views grocery shopping as an athletic activity.

SMALL DIFFERENCES

You both need to realize, though, that your spouse is not going to be like you in every way. No one will ever be, thank God. (And the idea of marrying your twin is anyway icky.) Being different from each other is not only normal, natural and healthy -- it's inevitable.

The question is whether the differences are things that will drive you apart, or magnetize you together.

It's also essential to recognize that the longer you've been single, the more set in your ways you become. So don't let small things come in the way of your long-term happiness. Accept that your partner will enjoy different activities, do things differently and have different opinions.

Issues pop up even with the most compatible couples. Friends of mine spent their first year of marriage in vicious battle over whether toilet paper should roll from the top or the bottom. They eventually resolved this crisis, and are now quibbling over replacement of the toothpaste cap.

Still, remove as many land mines as you can beforehand. Love can conquer a lot, but it can't hold together a couple who are going in separate directions.

"Working it out" does not mean the two of you have to do it alone. If your not sure whether an issue is surmountable, consult a rabbi or trusted counselor.

THE FIRST STEP

If you have all the basics right, what you may need most is an attitude adjustment.

It was Shakespeare's comedies that conditioned us to view weddings as happy endings. But the Bard got it wrong -- your wedding should be a happy beginning.

A good foundation determines whether or not you approach the chuppah. But perhaps the most important thing to share is the understanding that the chuppah is only the start.

You lay a foundation before you begin building a house. Completing the building, in this case, will take a lifetime. If the foundation is there and you two are determined to make it work, you have a fighting chance of getting that happy ending -- long after the curtain falls.

Incidentally today's Bible verse on one of my facebook applications is;

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

Christian boyfriends from now on then.

I believe it is now time for bed. Night all.

I've fallen in Love

Don't worry, not with a person, that'd be a bit quick! But with these shoes. Anyone care to buy them for me? Size 7.
I tried them on today, and I was smitten, however they only had a 6, which is too small, that and I really shouldn't be buying more shoes, I can't really afford it. think I've

But what happens when you do fall in love? How do you know? (I'm not talking about shoes this time!) In the past I think I've been in love, but looking back I'm not so sure. I certainly loved the person, but "in love" with them, I don't think so. Infatuated, deluded, obsessed, overwhelmed by the attention perhaps. But I'm not sure I've ever been in love. A scary thing considering I was going to get married not that long ago. But whenever the subject of Love is broached, Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 13 always come to mind.

⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
⁹For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
¹⁰but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.

When I think back to the relationships I had where I believed myself to possibly be in love, they doesn't come close to what love should be. People always remark how unaffected I seem to be by past break ups, but if I never was in love then I guess the guy never had my heart to break. Coming out of relationships the only thing I feel is regret for letting myself go too far, not ending it sooner, and resentment for the way I'd been treated. But asides from that, I find it fairly easy to move on. In fact I don't even think about my exes that much unless the topic arises in conversation. I even struggle to remember what they look like. The closest I've come to real love was probably with my first boyfriend, I still think fondly of him and I'll always remember him. Though I'd never want to rekindle anything. It was young love, sweet and relatively uncomplicated. It was never destined to go anywhere, but I appreciated it while it lasted.

I do hope one day I will fall in Love, and it won't be a folly of lust and infatuation clouding my judgement. But whether that will happen, only time can tell. I trust God has a man picked out for me, I really can't see myself going through life as single, I don't have the gift of celibacy, and I'm miles too broody to forgo having children. But even so, circumstances may change and I'll be happy with that kind of life. But I have a feeling I am destined for family life and motherhood. Maybe not in the immediate future, but one day.

I've even decided in what order I'd like to have kids. Not that I have any choice in the matter. But I'd like a girl, then a boy, then another boy and finally another girl. 4 in all, 2 of each. I must be mad wanting 4 children, but I don't think 2 is enough, and from my own experience in a family of 3 children, one often gets left out, so 4 seems to be the best solution. Enough that you have more than one sibling to go to, play with, annoy, learn from and hopefully as a result have a far richer childhood.
I certainly could never have just one child, only children always seem somewhat deprived of any real experience, such as the love/hate relationship between siblings. I know for certain I'd be lost without my brothers, we've had a lot of rough patches, but they mean the world to me, and no friend can ever come close to what I have with my siblings.

All this talk of children is making me broody. Ah well, yet another requirement for any future husband - prepared to have 4 children, more than most probably want. Though mind you, it's me who has to do all the childbearing! Let's just hope if things do go how I'd like, that I enjoy being pregnant!

Well I have a letter to finish writing, my last letter was 9 pages long, 6000 words, this I intend to be somewhat shorter as that was perhaps a tad bit excessive. Though the recipient was appreciative and enjoyed the letter, I doubt he'd enjoy having to read another one that length!

That and I bought 4 new books today from The Christian Book Centre, so I'd best get reading. I'm looking forward to reading them, plus the sooner I finish the sooner I can go back and buy more. Food for the soul, and I have a rather hungry soul!

Every Christian Woman's Battle...

... or at least I hope so, just seems it's not often talked about, making the battle invariably harder!

You can probably guess what this is going to be about, it's pretty much all I ever seem to write about.

Well, I'm currently sat in bed with my shiny new laptop. The joys of modern technology and wireless internet. This evening I went to see Sex and the City at the cinema, real good way to stir up all those emotions you want to suppress! Raging hormones aside, it got me thinking about relationships and what I want from future relationships. (Remember people, I'm not interested for a good while yet so no playing cupid!)

Anyway, what I really want from a relationship is a companion. I want a best friend, who at the same time I can't wait to rip his clothes off! Someone who still thinks I'm sexy in a big jumper with a runny nose and demanding soup be brought to my sick bed. Someone I can trust and confide in, yet still be silly and have a laugh with. I want a fabulous father for my children, someone who'll protect me and make me feel safe and secure. Someone who'll support me in my Christian faith and share my morals and values.

But how do you know when you've found this elusive bloke, "the one"? Even if I find someone who seemingly ticks all the boxes, how do I know how things will be once we marry and live together? In my experience things haven't gone too well, usually in the living with someone or sex department. But if you can't test these things out before marriage in a relationship that puts God first, then how do you know these will work out? It's a big risk, it takes a lot of faith I guess.
Of course I should fully trust in God to provide me with everything I want and need in a partner, perfectly compatible. But my faith at present isn't strong enough unfortunately, so I'm left with all these doubts, fears and worries.

So, my experiences so far? Well in all my relationships I've found we weren't sexually compatible, for the first few weeks, perhaps even months thongs were good, not fantastic but good, then it would all fizzle out and I'd be left frustrated as I found my male counterpart's libido tended to wane, whilst mine was still sky high. Perhaps a flaw in all men, or just the ones I've had so far. Anyway, it leaves me with a fear of ending up with a man who despite all my love for him cannot satisfy in the bedroom, either for long enough or frequently enough. And still manage to cope with a week a month off, perhaps more to cater for hormonal and emotional disturbances. Reading it back, sounds like I'm asking for the impossible.

As for living with someone. I have lived with one boyfriend who later became my fiancé. It really didn't work, constant arguments about housework and responsibility, financial matters and generally how we spent our free time. We never seemed to get any space or time apart from each other, yet never spent quality time with each other. Seems perhaps a paradox, but that was how we lived. That and our vastly different values, opinions and views didn't help matters, it was never destined to work. Though if I'd never moved in with him first then I'd never have found out about all his undesirable character traits and if I'd waited until marriage before living together I could have found myself in a far trickier situation to get out of.

One could argue that it was because I moved in and became physically intimate prematurely that's why things turned sour with previous relationships. What happened was a result of indulging in a sinful lifestyle. But it still leaves you wondering, especially given the number of women I know who's husbands completely changed after marriage in attitude and even personality. Or those women and men who indulge in affairs because of a poor marital sex life, where basically the couple are sexually incompatible, whether it be sexual desires or different libidos.

So there's the whole debate of to test or not to test. For example, you don't usually buy a pair of shoes without trying them on to see if they fit and are comfortable. (Though there is evidence to the contrary with my shoe buying habit!) So surely you'd apply similar logic to that of a life partner. Like test driving a car.
But our God given guidelines are there for a reason, I've fallen foul of that in the past and now understand the value of sex and how it shouldn't be abused outside marital boundaries. I guess it just takes a lot of faith to fully trust God to find you someone perfect, someone who you won't need to test drive first before committing. It's a blind bet that will hopefully pay off. Or rather, with God's assurance, will pay off.


Well it's certainly clear to me so far, my faith is still very shaky and needs a lot of work to strengthen it. My walk with Jesus is still in the early stages. It's been 14 years since I made a commitment, and although there have been set backs I will continue with Our walk and spiritually grow, just takes time, devotion and faith.


Now the one question my mind begs to ask; Where do you draw the line? But that's a whole different topic. Perhaps the subject of my next post, we'll have to wait and see, could be long however as it involves the bane of my life, temptation!