Physical contact is a strange thing. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I love it. Though when you need it, but can't get it, you end up feeling very lonely. And eventually even though, you need it, you shun it, as it becomes almost unbearable. You've been longing for it for so long, yet managed to cope without, and in some weird way you want to carry on without. Maybe it's sheer stubbornness, who knows, or just fear of the emotions that come with physical contact.
I'm in a really weird mood today, very confused. I need a hug, yet I have no one to go to, my family are away, all my friends are at least half an hours drive, and even so most are probably at work, and I'd feel a bit stupid turning up just to ask for a hug.
Ah well, I have an essay to get on with.
Wednesday 25 February 2009
Monday 23 February 2009
Three Fold Utopian Dream
To see you when I wake up
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.
Eeeee, I'm ridiculously happy at the moment. Probably the most attractive man I've ever laid eyes on likes me, in fact he loves me. I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Not only is he ridiculously handsome and sexy, and I practically melt upon seeing him. But he's kind, caring, funny, intelligent, talented, the most amazing man in my life, I wouldn't change a thing and wouldn't swap him for the world. And the best thing is, he's all mine! I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. I miss him like crazy, it's not even been 24 hours. And I seem to spend my days without him walking around in a daze beaming with happiness, yet pining to be wrapped in his arms again.
I'm sickening, I'm disgusting, mushy icky yucky. But deliriously happy and blissfully content. I couldn't ask for more. Ok, I lie, I want to spend more time with him. :-) My heaven is waking up on a sunday morning in my bed, cuddled up with the man I love knowing we get to spend the whole day together. This is a happiness I didn't even think possible, not even in my dreams.
It's odd, but I'm so glad I crashed my car prompting the change in relationship dynamic. Crikey, it's only been 4 months (just about), he's probably the best thing that's happened to me. *beams*
Is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said "I miss you"?
I see your picture.
I smell your skin on
The empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days,
But already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
Whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care,
And I miss you.
Eeeee, I'm ridiculously happy at the moment. Probably the most attractive man I've ever laid eyes on likes me, in fact he loves me. I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. Not only is he ridiculously handsome and sexy, and I practically melt upon seeing him. But he's kind, caring, funny, intelligent, talented, the most amazing man in my life, I wouldn't change a thing and wouldn't swap him for the world. And the best thing is, he's all mine! I feel like I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. I miss him like crazy, it's not even been 24 hours. And I seem to spend my days without him walking around in a daze beaming with happiness, yet pining to be wrapped in his arms again.
I'm sickening, I'm disgusting, mushy icky yucky. But deliriously happy and blissfully content. I couldn't ask for more. Ok, I lie, I want to spend more time with him. :-) My heaven is waking up on a sunday morning in my bed, cuddled up with the man I love knowing we get to spend the whole day together. This is a happiness I didn't even think possible, not even in my dreams.
It's odd, but I'm so glad I crashed my car prompting the change in relationship dynamic. Crikey, it's only been 4 months (just about), he's probably the best thing that's happened to me. *beams*
Monday 16 February 2009
25 Things
So, I've noticed these are doing the rounds on Facebook. I can't sleep, so what the hell.....
The rules are: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged who will then write their own note. :D The idea is to learn a little more about everyone you know!
1. My full name is Isobel Sherratt Holman, Sherratt being my great grandmother's maiden name. She was one of the first women to get into university and graduate with a full degree, she studied English at Birmingham. Very clever lady, however she later went crazy and was committed to an asylum for the rest of the days.
2. When I was 11 years old my Dad died suddenly on Christmas day in the early hours of the morning. It's over 10 years since, but I still miss him terribly as I was very much Daddy's girl.
3. I have a sadistic streak in me which I can conceal very well if I choose. Such examples are I once knocked a boy unconscious by pushing him face first into a tree, I was about 6 at the time. I trapped my baby brother in a suitcase and pushed it the down the stairs, I was probably about 5.
4. My family is very religious, all devout Christians. However I am the black sheep as no matter how much I try to be involved with the church and want to believe what they believe, I can't as religion seems very sinister and narrow to me. The more time I spend around religion and debating such, the more repelled I am from it.
5. I do believe in some form of creator, a greater being, "God", I have no idea what sort of entity "God" is, but there is something far bigger and magnificent than the human mind is capable of contemplating or understanding that's beyond our lives on earth and what we know of the universe.
6. A Disney movie changed my life. Enchanted, silly as it sounds made me realise I was unhappy in my life and relationship and there was better out there for me. As a result I made the best decision of my life, and even though I didn't expect to have a fairytale ending like the movie, I'm pretty damned close.
7. On my mother's side of the family there are rumoured to be Spanish gypsies somewhere down the line. On my father's side of the family, you can trace Mediterranean colouring back through the genrations, dark hair and olive skin, apparently there was an Italian lady somewhere in the ancestory. As a result I have slightly olive skin despite being very pale, and very dark eyebrows. Though I also have naturally dark blonde hair, so in combination it looks somewhat strange, and as a result I dye my hair dark to match.
8. Ever since I was little I've been scared of marriage, so never really had many wedding aspirations like other little girls. Even when I was engaged to be married I wasn't excited about wedding plans, in fact I dreaded them. Now I'm no longer engaged and free from the once terrifying thought of getting married, I quite happily fantasize about my future wedding and make silly little plans for it.
9. I have hammer toes. I inherited them from my Dad. As a result I have to be careful about what shoes I wear. Also people make jokes, such as me being able to pick up small children with curled toes, and also STOP!................ Hammer Toes!
10. I refuse to have my hammer toes straightened as apparently you can no longer wear heels after the surgery. However, one of my toes was straightened when my younger brother crushed one under his chair leg when I wasn't wearing anything on my feet. My younger brother is probably 14 stone of mostly muscle. It hurt a lot, but now it's straight and no longer slightly curled under.
11. Still on the subject of feet, I love shoes, I currently own somewhere in the region of 60-70 pairs of footwear spread amongst 3 different addresses for lack of storage in one place.
12. There are very few men I find physically attractive, lucky enough for me, the most attractive man I've laid eyes on took a similar interest in me, and at times I struggle to believe he's mine, it's like a wonderful dream come true.
13. I love Heinz baked beans, no other beans will suffice, only Heinz. Whenever I go travelling, my first meal when I get back to England is Heinz baked beans on toast.
14. I am currently studying Fine Art at uni. I'm good at drawing, which is why I'm doing the course. Problem is, I don't find Art that interesting and wish I was doing something science orientated, but I don't cope well with exams. There are no exams in Fine Art.
15. I've been on crutches 8 times, I am very accident prone and no stranger to A&E. I have a habit of breaking tiny obscure bones in my hands and feet. I'm also ridiculously stubborn and often refuse to get things checked out in the hopes they'll sort themselves out in a couple of days, often this isn't the case and I never learn.
16. I have a horrendous fear of infertility which stems from the fact I've never had a regular menstrual cycle and my my mother had fertility problems. It still keeps me up at night on occasion.
17. I love corsets and tightlacing. When I'm on form I can reduce my waist to 22" and still manage to breathe, eat, drink and hold normal conversation. It's just like being hugged very tightly. I own 7 steel boned corsets and will no doubt soon own more given my other half shares my love of corsetry.
18. I can't stand tights, so I wear stockings and suspenders instead much to my mother's bemusement as she still thinks tights are a wonderous invention.
19. I love books, I'm notorious for getting myself into debt after huge spending sprees on amazon or in book shops. My book shelves are full in my current bedroom and my old bedroom which my brother now lives in, and I still have several large boxes in storage full of books. My dream is to have my own library one day. A room in my house filled floor to ceiling with books, like in Beauty and The Beast.
20. I can't stand feet, they repulse me. But I have a several drawings, studies and etchings of my feet on my bedroom wall. And I've spent a lot of time dressing my boyfriend's injured toe, when previously I couldn't stand to go near feet. Maybe I'm overcoming my my aversion to feet in general, or perhaps it's just Gary's feet and my own I've learnt to tolerate.
21. My friends are incredibly precious to me, however I'm not very good at staying in regular contact. Regardless, I still think of them and miss them everyday.
22. I miss playing hockey.
23. I don't have very high self esteem so very rarely leave the house without a full face of make up on. It's silly, but it helps boost my confidence and sense of self worth. I feel almost naked without it, very vulnerable and defenceless.
24. My bank manager will be able to tell when I'm on period as I become wreckless and impulsive with my spending. I plan to hide my credit and debit cards and live on cash from work next time I'm on the blob as I can't financially afford PMS otherwise.
25. My blood type is O Rhesus Negative. This means I'm a universal donor and absolutely anyone can use my blood. So it's very precious and useful and the blood donor lot regularly phone me up hungry for my blood. Shame if I ever need a blood transfusion I can only use O- blood, and there's only 7% of the population with the same blood group as me.
The rules are: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged who will then write their own note. :D The idea is to learn a little more about everyone you know!
1. My full name is Isobel Sherratt Holman, Sherratt being my great grandmother's maiden name. She was one of the first women to get into university and graduate with a full degree, she studied English at Birmingham. Very clever lady, however she later went crazy and was committed to an asylum for the rest of the days.
2. When I was 11 years old my Dad died suddenly on Christmas day in the early hours of the morning. It's over 10 years since, but I still miss him terribly as I was very much Daddy's girl.
3. I have a sadistic streak in me which I can conceal very well if I choose. Such examples are I once knocked a boy unconscious by pushing him face first into a tree, I was about 6 at the time. I trapped my baby brother in a suitcase and pushed it the down the stairs, I was probably about 5.
4. My family is very religious, all devout Christians. However I am the black sheep as no matter how much I try to be involved with the church and want to believe what they believe, I can't as religion seems very sinister and narrow to me. The more time I spend around religion and debating such, the more repelled I am from it.
5. I do believe in some form of creator, a greater being, "God", I have no idea what sort of entity "God" is, but there is something far bigger and magnificent than the human mind is capable of contemplating or understanding that's beyond our lives on earth and what we know of the universe.
6. A Disney movie changed my life. Enchanted, silly as it sounds made me realise I was unhappy in my life and relationship and there was better out there for me. As a result I made the best decision of my life, and even though I didn't expect to have a fairytale ending like the movie, I'm pretty damned close.
7. On my mother's side of the family there are rumoured to be Spanish gypsies somewhere down the line. On my father's side of the family, you can trace Mediterranean colouring back through the genrations, dark hair and olive skin, apparently there was an Italian lady somewhere in the ancestory. As a result I have slightly olive skin despite being very pale, and very dark eyebrows. Though I also have naturally dark blonde hair, so in combination it looks somewhat strange, and as a result I dye my hair dark to match.
8. Ever since I was little I've been scared of marriage, so never really had many wedding aspirations like other little girls. Even when I was engaged to be married I wasn't excited about wedding plans, in fact I dreaded them. Now I'm no longer engaged and free from the once terrifying thought of getting married, I quite happily fantasize about my future wedding and make silly little plans for it.
9. I have hammer toes. I inherited them from my Dad. As a result I have to be careful about what shoes I wear. Also people make jokes, such as me being able to pick up small children with curled toes, and also STOP!................ Hammer Toes!
10. I refuse to have my hammer toes straightened as apparently you can no longer wear heels after the surgery. However, one of my toes was straightened when my younger brother crushed one under his chair leg when I wasn't wearing anything on my feet. My younger brother is probably 14 stone of mostly muscle. It hurt a lot, but now it's straight and no longer slightly curled under.
11. Still on the subject of feet, I love shoes, I currently own somewhere in the region of 60-70 pairs of footwear spread amongst 3 different addresses for lack of storage in one place.
12. There are very few men I find physically attractive, lucky enough for me, the most attractive man I've laid eyes on took a similar interest in me, and at times I struggle to believe he's mine, it's like a wonderful dream come true.
13. I love Heinz baked beans, no other beans will suffice, only Heinz. Whenever I go travelling, my first meal when I get back to England is Heinz baked beans on toast.
14. I am currently studying Fine Art at uni. I'm good at drawing, which is why I'm doing the course. Problem is, I don't find Art that interesting and wish I was doing something science orientated, but I don't cope well with exams. There are no exams in Fine Art.
15. I've been on crutches 8 times, I am very accident prone and no stranger to A&E. I have a habit of breaking tiny obscure bones in my hands and feet. I'm also ridiculously stubborn and often refuse to get things checked out in the hopes they'll sort themselves out in a couple of days, often this isn't the case and I never learn.
16. I have a horrendous fear of infertility which stems from the fact I've never had a regular menstrual cycle and my my mother had fertility problems. It still keeps me up at night on occasion.
17. I love corsets and tightlacing. When I'm on form I can reduce my waist to 22" and still manage to breathe, eat, drink and hold normal conversation. It's just like being hugged very tightly. I own 7 steel boned corsets and will no doubt soon own more given my other half shares my love of corsetry.
18. I can't stand tights, so I wear stockings and suspenders instead much to my mother's bemusement as she still thinks tights are a wonderous invention.
19. I love books, I'm notorious for getting myself into debt after huge spending sprees on amazon or in book shops. My book shelves are full in my current bedroom and my old bedroom which my brother now lives in, and I still have several large boxes in storage full of books. My dream is to have my own library one day. A room in my house filled floor to ceiling with books, like in Beauty and The Beast.
20. I can't stand feet, they repulse me. But I have a several drawings, studies and etchings of my feet on my bedroom wall. And I've spent a lot of time dressing my boyfriend's injured toe, when previously I couldn't stand to go near feet. Maybe I'm overcoming my my aversion to feet in general, or perhaps it's just Gary's feet and my own I've learnt to tolerate.
21. My friends are incredibly precious to me, however I'm not very good at staying in regular contact. Regardless, I still think of them and miss them everyday.
22. I miss playing hockey.
23. I don't have very high self esteem so very rarely leave the house without a full face of make up on. It's silly, but it helps boost my confidence and sense of self worth. I feel almost naked without it, very vulnerable and defenceless.
24. My bank manager will be able to tell when I'm on period as I become wreckless and impulsive with my spending. I plan to hide my credit and debit cards and live on cash from work next time I'm on the blob as I can't financially afford PMS otherwise.
25. My blood type is O Rhesus Negative. This means I'm a universal donor and absolutely anyone can use my blood. So it's very precious and useful and the blood donor lot regularly phone me up hungry for my blood. Shame if I ever need a blood transfusion I can only use O- blood, and there's only 7% of the population with the same blood group as me.
Sunday 15 February 2009
Hmmmm.......
Finally the thing you've been dreading your whole life has found you, engulfed you, swallowed you whole. And who'd have thought, it's actually not as bad as you feared. In fact it's the best thing in the world, far surpassed any expectations and made you realise any previous encounters you thought you had with this thing weren't anything close. They left you underwhelmed and disillusioned, when in actual fact, the real thing is awesome in the true sense of the word.
Now, you're left with a very weird sensation, and a smug grin plastered on your face and dreamy eyes. The resultant pain from pining is worth it, as overall you're elated and ecstatic. Life isn't quite the same anymore, and most likely never will be again, however you're blissfully happy. You're the cat that got the cream, and it's even better than you dreamed.
Now, you're left with a very weird sensation, and a smug grin plastered on your face and dreamy eyes. The resultant pain from pining is worth it, as overall you're elated and ecstatic. Life isn't quite the same anymore, and most likely never will be again, however you're blissfully happy. You're the cat that got the cream, and it's even better than you dreamed.
Thursday 12 February 2009
Wednesday 4 February 2009
What?
Ever in the mood where you really want to write? However when you sit down at your laptop, all of sudden you have no clue what to write?
First I started writing about recent activities, such as the loss of my bedroom to a dehumidifier and having to sleep on the floor. But that's dull.
Then I began to write about various health gubbins, menstruation, hormones and my relief that 10 weeks of hell is over. But that just screams whiney woman.
My next train of thought, my favourite train of thought, was about my relationship. But that's really mushy stuff.
Slightly less mushy, sex, but I don't fancy possible resulting disapproval from my Christian associates, or generally being brandished a nymph. Besides, it's all a bit personal and private.
So I'm now at a loss at what to write.
First I started writing about recent activities, such as the loss of my bedroom to a dehumidifier and having to sleep on the floor. But that's dull.
Then I began to write about various health gubbins, menstruation, hormones and my relief that 10 weeks of hell is over. But that just screams whiney woman.
My next train of thought, my favourite train of thought, was about my relationship. But that's really mushy stuff.
Slightly less mushy, sex, but I don't fancy possible resulting disapproval from my Christian associates, or generally being brandished a nymph. Besides, it's all a bit personal and private.
So I'm now at a loss at what to write.
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