As for my stomach, my scar still complains and causes me grief, even more so when running, but it's manageable. I'll just have to live with being a masochist for the time being, until the pain hopefully goes away.
I've been looking into Vibram five fingers for running, given I'm pretty much starting afresh after 3 years without running, now would be a good time to start using five fingers as my muscles haven't developed yet for proper running, so my gradual introduction to running again would be perfect for getting my feet used to vibrams. There are far too many stories of people with stress fractures who have switched to vibrams after already being long distance runners and going for 10K plus runs in them straight away. No wonder their feet end up screwed. Minimalist footwear is something your feet need to training to get used to. I have my eye on these beauties. Shame they're so expensive. I think I'll get a second hand pair for cheap off ebay and disnfect the heck out of them. If I like them then I'll ask for a pair for my birthday/Christmas.
As for church. Well I enjoy attending a local church on a regular basis. It feels right somehow. Though I unfortunately discovering Jesus again didn't solve everything, the God shaped whole I thought I had was something different. After all I've never abandoned God as such, just His son. The problem I had was depression. Yes that horrible nasty illness I thought I'd left long behind me. It's been years since I've been in full blown depression, and because I experienced very severe depression I didn't recognise it as it's somewhat milder this time round. I thought I was just sleeping far far too much (12-18 hours a day since before December). I've been nicknamed sleeping beauty and called a cat as a result. Then there was my weakened immune system, I always seemed to be snivelling. The constant nightmares. The inability to enjoy things I used to love. Knitting and crochet had become a chore, I couldn't bring myself to paint or draw anymore. And then there were other far more darker symptoms I won't go into. I felt numb and emotionless most of the time, but not sad. I kept telling myself I was happy, my life is bloody fantastic after all, but I just couldn't feel it. However I didn't feel sad, so surely I couldn't be depressed.
My doctor advised me to stop cycling thinking it was contributing to my fatigue, I was cycling nearly 10 miles a day, after that my mood completely crashed. Lack of exercise is not a good thing. Hence starting the running. And I will go back to cycling every day. Now I'm becoming more active and the sun has come out my mood is starting to improve. It's still pretty rotten, but far better than it was. Now I just need to be careful not to become too obsessed with exercise, I have some weight to lose that I gained from lack of activity, but I can't go too far with it. I'm very wary of my old ED demons coming to get me whilst I'm in a somewhat vulnerable state of mind.
Why am I saying this? Well I believe a lot of stigma around depression has lifted in recent years, and by talking about it the stigma lifts further. There are parts of my mental illness I won't talk about, but a mild spell of depression I'm fine to mention. I don't want sympathy. I'm just putting it out there as its truth. Hopefully it'll lift soon, my mood usually improves with the weather, and the exercise should help combat it.
Now to introduce my new kitten Styx.
I'm now just debating whether to get Otis another friend or whether he'll be happy on his own, they've been together since they were 8 weeks old.
