Blerg

Really not feeling myself today. Not quite sure why, but I guess sleep deprivation has a large role to play. I'm so lethargic; months of not sleeping properly are really taking their toll. My back for one is killing me, absolute agony and pain killers don't seem to touch it. I hate feeling like this. My old bouncy self was beginning to return, but it's been occluded by physical constraints. Bah!

At least life is on the up, and hopefully I will have my own bedroom soon and a real bed, no more back ache and having to get changed in the dark. Or little boys running in to play xbox and finding the odd discarded bra much at my chagrin.
Plus I'm off to Wellspring soon. Trying to sort out tents at the moment. It looks like I'll be taking my own 4 man tent, all to myself, no one else, except for the luggage of those with no spare room in their own tents! I'm really looking forward to getting away and just having some fun and hopefully some space to myself without family bearing down on me.

Though I'm not looking forward to being with all the girls in the youth who will undoubtedly be bikini clad if the weather is suitable for sun bathing. Which of course makes me feel horribly self conscious and corpulent as I'm curvy and none of the youth seem to have developed any curves let alone extra padding! That and my legendary thunder thighs seem particularly large at the moment. Probably because my waist is smaller, stomach flatter, so in comparison my thighs are monstrous given the bulk of muscle in them and the fact I can't shift any weight off them. Seriously I could probably shrink to 6 stone and my top half look as if I've just emerged from some concentration camp, except my legs will still be just as shapely as ever. Actually my boobs don't seem to shrink either, just sag. How lovely! I just have to remember I have a good 5 years of development on most of them, when I was their age I didn't have hips or boobs either. But I still had thunder thighs.

Methinks when I actually have enough energy I will start running again properly. As currently my exercise is somewhat sporadic. I'll no doubt employ my bike again as well. But that'll only build up my muscles more leading even shapelier legs! They're nearly all muscle at the moment which is somewhat scary, how I've maintained such muscular bulk I've no idea. I'm blaming heels and the ridiculous number of stairs I have to climb to get to my studios at uni!

Well, last night was good, fancy dress party at Pip's. They're always legendary parties. I went as a cowgirl, Rob as an Arab. However the costumes didn't last long as a streak of madness overcame us and we went swimming in the outdoor pool. I looked an interesting sight walking about in a swimming costume, board shorts and cowboy boots! The rest of the night was spent on "Rock Band", Rob's 'expert' guitar skills and my appalling vocal attempts. And then the obligatory karaoke ensued. Shame my voice has died on me recently, but it was fun nevertheless.
However I've noticed some rather unflattering photos from the night surfacing on facebook. Not only do I feel fat, but ugly. The recent acne attack and dark circles really shouldn't be exposed to the public, but swimming and make up don't mix alas. Why didn't I take any make up with me to try and redeem my unsightly appearance? The fact I'm not in the slightest photogenic doesn't help. Argh, must stop being so woebegone, it's just been a rough few days for me, no wonder I'm not at my best appearance wise and vocally.

Ah well, it would appear my single status doesn't quite sit comfortably with people. Everyone seems to be playing match maker. All great guys, but I'm not interested in a relationship at present, I can't afford to get hurt again and I have a lot of head stuff to sort out. Besides the guys people have suggested wouldn't be interested in me, out of my league, I wouldn't stand a chance.

Ah well, God made me just the way He intended and I shouldn't grumble, once I'm taking better care of myself no doubt I'll start to feel better about everything, even my thunder thighs!