Running again

I've started running again, I'm following the C25K program on my iphone, so far so good, though I'm only on the first week. Hopefully I'll get through the whole course.
As for my stomach, my scar still complains and causes me grief, even more so when running, but it's manageable. I'll just have to live with being a masochist for the time being, until the pain hopefully goes away.
I've been looking into Vibram five fingers for running, given I'm pretty much starting afresh after 3 years without running, now would be a good time to start using five fingers as my muscles haven't developed yet for proper running, so my gradual introduction to running again would be perfect for getting my feet used to vibrams. There are far too many stories of people with stress fractures who have switched to vibrams after already being long distance runners and going for 10K plus runs in them straight away. No wonder their feet end up screwed. Minimalist footwear is something your feet need to training to get used to. I have my eye on these beauties. Shame they're so expensive. I think I'll get a second hand pair for cheap off ebay and disnfect the heck out of them. If I like them then I'll ask for a pair for my birthday/Christmas.

As for church. Well I enjoy attending a local church on a  regular basis. It feels right somehow. Though I unfortunately discovering Jesus again didn't solve everything, the God shaped whole I thought I had was something different. After all I've never abandoned God as such, just His son. The problem I had was depression. Yes that horrible nasty illness I thought I'd left long behind me. It's been years since I've been in full blown depression, and because I experienced very severe depression I didn't recognise it as it's somewhat milder this time round. I thought I was just sleeping far far too much (12-18 hours a day since before December). I've been nicknamed sleeping beauty and called a cat as a result. Then there was my weakened immune system, I always seemed to be snivelling. The constant nightmares. The inability to enjoy things I used to love. Knitting and crochet had become a chore, I couldn't bring myself to paint or draw anymore. And then there were other far more darker symptoms I won't go into. I felt numb and emotionless most of the time, but not sad. I kept telling myself I was happy, my life is bloody fantastic after all, but I just couldn't feel it. However I didn't feel sad, so surely I couldn't be depressed.
My doctor advised me to stop cycling thinking it was contributing to my fatigue, I was cycling nearly 10 miles a day, after that my mood completely crashed. Lack of exercise is not a good thing. Hence starting the running. And I will go back to cycling every day. Now I'm becoming more active and the sun has come out my mood is starting to improve. It's still pretty rotten, but far better than it was. Now I just need to be careful not to become too obsessed with exercise, I have some weight to lose that I gained from lack of activity, but I can't go too far with it. I'm very wary of my old ED demons coming to get me whilst I'm in a somewhat vulnerable state of mind.

Why am I saying this? Well I believe a lot of stigma around depression has lifted in recent years, and by talking about it the stigma lifts further. There are parts of my mental illness I won't talk about, but a mild spell of depression I'm fine to mention. I don't want sympathy. I'm just putting it out there as its truth. Hopefully it'll lift soon, my mood usually improves with the weather, and the exercise should help combat it.

Now to introduce my new kitten Styx.

And more recently my bunny Nugette died. :( She was 5 or there abouts. Poor bunny.
I'm now just debating whether to get Otis another friend or whether he'll be happy on his own, they've been together since they were 8 weeks old.

Long Time No Blog...

Well, it's been a busy summer, most without internet access. Plus the family computer has died (mobo burnt out) so they've all decided they can use mine instead, regardless of whether I'm happy about it. I don't know what they do, but somehow they've managed to corrupt the hard drive, so I can't even do a system restore, disk clean, disk defrag etc and can't run the likes of windows live mail and explorer without an error message coming up. Good job I despise those programs and use firefox instead.
I'll fix it all when I have the time, first I need to get the meddlers off my precious machine.

So how's the summer gone? Well first was a week camping down in Cornwall for the Bible conference Wellspring. Would have been a great week apart from the constant rain and lashings of wind uprooting everyone's tents! Also I felt very much alone given I didn't know anyone my age. As much as I love the youth from my church, I do feel a bit left out due to the difference in age and life experience. My usual topics of conversation aren't appropriate for the young innocent and naive. It would seem a lot of the youth have lead very sheltered lives, which is great in some respects, but means we're miles apart in terms of thought patterns and attitudes. Also makes me worry as I've been part of the big bad world outside the church, and these kids are in for a shock when they hit it. Life isn't a nicey nicey outside of Garstang.
And apparently 20 is too old to be considered youth! It stops after 18! Shocker. But gradually I got to know people from other churches, so I felt more at ease as I found people more on my wave length.


Then I had a week down in Guildford visiting a friend of mine. He probably now thinks I'm even crazier than before, if that's at all possible. And insists I'm horribly independent and stubborn because I wouldn't let him pay for everything and buy me clothes. On reflection, what was I thinking? Missed out there. It also rained a lot there.

Then off to Scotland for the Edinburgh festival and dog sitting for friends. Great time there, Peebles is such a gorgeous place, shame about all the rain. Plus saw some great shows as part of the Fringe, even got to see Rhona Cameron. I love that woman so much, can't beat a Scottish lesbian comic!

I was also supposed to be heading off to Keswick, but my plans were scuppered by work and illness. Working the Saturday and the Sunday, then Monday morning I was hit by a horrific stomach bug type affair. From 4am to midday I spent most of my time clutching onto the toilet bowl for dear life praying that I could have some bowel control to retain what little dignity I had left after projectile vomiting all over the bathroom! Not pleasant I can tell you that. And I fear I've already included too much information, so I'll stop there.
It's now Tuesday evening, and I still feel like death warmed up. Horrible fever, general lethargy, aching muscles and very disorientated. I feel very empty after my body decided to purge everything in my system. Now my stomach has also shrunk considerably, my last meal I managed to eat about 3 mouthfuls before feeling full. Probably explains why I've lost 5 inches off my waist in just over a day (without tight lacing). I was bloated and suffering from PMT before with a 29" waist, now 24" and feel like air, empty and light headed. So confused, not sure what day, time or season it is. I hope my laptop isn't lying to me.
Ah well I have a pile of clothes next to me so I can easily adjust to temperature changes. From wearing a skimpy vest top and sweating profusely from being too hot, to 2 jumpers, a hoody and 2 dressing gowns when I have chills and so cold I fear I'm on the edge of death!

Right, well I'd best go find something productive to do. As for a silver lining to my miserable state, my hair has turned out magnificently shiny, not in the slightest bit greasy and my skin is clearing up, and of course the aforementioned shrinking to my waist giving my hourglass figure even more definition! Good times.

puıɟ ı ƃuısnɯɐ ʇsoɯ ǝɥʇ ǝɹɐ sƃuıɥʇ ǝldɯıs

Such as upside down text.

Anyhoo, I think there is sufficient time between this post and the last, I was berated for blogging too much by my friend Chris, he was struggling to keep up. I was more astonished to find out he read them in the first place let alone tried to keep up to date.

Well, I'm currently enjoying my new found freedom in being single. I'm not quite sure what to do with myself really. I can do whatever I want, and wherever I go everyone is really nice and friendly. Such a huge change in my life when previously I'd be stuck in my flat feeling miserable because the only person I had to talk to would far rather spend all his time on computer games than interact with me.

Now I just feel fabulous, a million times happier and healthier. I imagine going running more often, eating my mum's cooking and generally eating less chocolate have something to do with that. I just have to be careful though as the weight is dropping off me like there's no tomorrow. I've probably lost about half a stone in the past month. My belt is on the tightest notch and already too loose! Crikey. In fact, just standing on the scales now, fully clothed and accesorised, apple pie in hand and full of food and drink and I'm under the 60kg mark. Jeepers. Won't be long before I'm into the 8 stone something region, not been anywhere close to that for years!
Hmmm, note to self, eat more or you'll have to buy smaller clothes.

However this means I can go further with my tightlacing; 21" so far, previously I could only manage 22". I may have to invest in some smaller corsets. Though really 20" is probably tight enough, after that it starts getting scary and I'm fairly sure my internal organs won't appreciate it. If I get back into training I'm sure I'll be down to 20" pretty soon, especially given as I no longer have a 27" waist to squeeze, it's back down to 25" now.

Ah well, enough corset talk, it either scares of confuses people. The Sex and The City Movie is out soon. Yay! I'm probably going sometime next week, possibly with Lynne, my boss. Can't wait. That and if I go to see it I can get a certain something from LoveHoney half price. Which is pretty cool. It'll help with the whole abstinence thing as I'm not finding it too easy at the moment. The phrase "it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" certainly doesn't apply to sex. Because then you know what you're missing.
My head and heart says "No, too emotionally messy, stay clear of sex for a long while." My moral conscience says "Wait till you're married woman, repent of your old ways." and my body says "What are you playing at girly? It's been over 4 months, just go find someone to bonk and get it all out of your system!"
So, I'm just a little frustrated and trying to calm down a raging libido. Fun stuff.

At least I have the church to keep me busy and reinforce the whole "no sex until you're married" conviction. I really want to make a good go at this, not just for God, but for me. I've experienced first hand how fornication can mess you up, and I don't want to go through that all again. However, I'm a very sexual person, so it's not going to be easy. In Freudian terms I guess, my ego and superego are doing their very best to suppress a very powerful id. Or at least trying to compromise with a rampant rabbit, I wonder what the Bible says about such things?

Well, I'd best get ready for work, I think I have a message that needs a reply and I should generally shift my arse away from the computer.


One last thing, apparently I'm a good singer. I'm somewhat suprised to have been told this on many occasions since returning to church. I've always thought that I was somewhat abysmal when it came to singing. So if anyone reading this has heard me sing (not my stupid kareoke or mock singing that is) please let me know whether this is true.

Omm Nomm Nomm

I'm currently eating fig rolls, they are very tasty! Might break out the hob nobs in a bit, it's bank holiday, biscuits now form the main part of my diet.

Well apparently quite a few people seem to have read my last post (I thought no one actually read blogs, or only very rarely). All positive feedback it would seem. It's just nice to know people care, whether it be a friend I see everyweek or haven't spoken to in several years. I love my friends, such wondeful people, and so many I've realised, I've just lost contact.

Well, this morning I'm very tired. Last night I went to Blest at Inglewhite church. Fantastic night, I've been meaning to go for ages, however given various circumstances it never happened until now. It's sort of like an informal youth service, in fact it reminds me most of the meetings at wec camp. Silly light sabre games, star wars excerpts, speed passage finding (I've really lost the knack, I used to be so good at that) and contemporary worship. Of course there was tea and biscuits afterwoulds which always puts a positive spin on things for me, not that it wasn't positive prior to tea and biscuits, it just completed it perfectly.
Then afterwoulds I ended up being invited to an after party (church things have after parties? I'm so out of touch) along with Rob (yes he's my baby brother!) No one seemed to believe we were related, or that I was his big sister (I'll probably have to stick with older though as I'm not bigger, damn my short stature). The after party was held in Pip's shed, about 12x12 ft probably with a kareoke machine and lights. Far too many people to cram in such a small space, it was fun nevertheless. So I've met loads of fantastic new people and some old friends who've I've not seen in donkey's years! Great time.

I've not been in a big fun social situation for a long time, it's a rareity for me, though I feel I need to get out and about more and enjoy life and making new friends as I've missed out on a few good years worth. Time to catch up and regain my youth.

I'm still incredibly tired, didn't get home till 3am last night, or rather, this morning. Then at qaurter to 7 Gobi started barking as usual so I had to get up and let him out. Quarter to 7 is when the day starts for Gobi, everyone has to get up and start enjoying the day. Which is great, he's a very efficient alarm clock. However on less than 4 hours sleep it isn't appreciated.
I procedded to go staright back to bed after sorting Gobi out. So Gobi was left to wander the house and much to his delight find a pile of my clothes to roll on and sleep on whilst waiting for someone to come back to the land of the living. Now my clothes are covered in short blonde hairs. What fun. I love that dog so much.

Right, well I probably have things to do, so I'll leave this here, I won't bore you further with my thoughts.
Have a great bank holiday, hopefully you're not driving as I imagine that won't be too much fun!