Running again

I've started running again, I'm following the C25K program on my iphone, so far so good, though I'm only on the first week. Hopefully I'll get through the whole course.
As for my stomach, my scar still complains and causes me grief, even more so when running, but it's manageable. I'll just have to live with being a masochist for the time being, until the pain hopefully goes away.
I've been looking into Vibram five fingers for running, given I'm pretty much starting afresh after 3 years without running, now would be a good time to start using five fingers as my muscles haven't developed yet for proper running, so my gradual introduction to running again would be perfect for getting my feet used to vibrams. There are far too many stories of people with stress fractures who have switched to vibrams after already being long distance runners and going for 10K plus runs in them straight away. No wonder their feet end up screwed. Minimalist footwear is something your feet need to training to get used to. I have my eye on these beauties. Shame they're so expensive. I think I'll get a second hand pair for cheap off ebay and disnfect the heck out of them. If I like them then I'll ask for a pair for my birthday/Christmas.

As for church. Well I enjoy attending a local church on a  regular basis. It feels right somehow. Though I unfortunately discovering Jesus again didn't solve everything, the God shaped whole I thought I had was something different. After all I've never abandoned God as such, just His son. The problem I had was depression. Yes that horrible nasty illness I thought I'd left long behind me. It's been years since I've been in full blown depression, and because I experienced very severe depression I didn't recognise it as it's somewhat milder this time round. I thought I was just sleeping far far too much (12-18 hours a day since before December). I've been nicknamed sleeping beauty and called a cat as a result. Then there was my weakened immune system, I always seemed to be snivelling. The constant nightmares. The inability to enjoy things I used to love. Knitting and crochet had become a chore, I couldn't bring myself to paint or draw anymore. And then there were other far more darker symptoms I won't go into. I felt numb and emotionless most of the time, but not sad. I kept telling myself I was happy, my life is bloody fantastic after all, but I just couldn't feel it. However I didn't feel sad, so surely I couldn't be depressed.
My doctor advised me to stop cycling thinking it was contributing to my fatigue, I was cycling nearly 10 miles a day, after that my mood completely crashed. Lack of exercise is not a good thing. Hence starting the running. And I will go back to cycling every day. Now I'm becoming more active and the sun has come out my mood is starting to improve. It's still pretty rotten, but far better than it was. Now I just need to be careful not to become too obsessed with exercise, I have some weight to lose that I gained from lack of activity, but I can't go too far with it. I'm very wary of my old ED demons coming to get me whilst I'm in a somewhat vulnerable state of mind.

Why am I saying this? Well I believe a lot of stigma around depression has lifted in recent years, and by talking about it the stigma lifts further. There are parts of my mental illness I won't talk about, but a mild spell of depression I'm fine to mention. I don't want sympathy. I'm just putting it out there as its truth. Hopefully it'll lift soon, my mood usually improves with the weather, and the exercise should help combat it.

Now to introduce my new kitten Styx.

And more recently my bunny Nugette died. :( She was 5 or there abouts. Poor bunny.
I'm now just debating whether to get Otis another friend or whether he'll be happy on his own, they've been together since they were 8 weeks old.

If you must Google me...

So I've decided to update this seeing as it's one of the first things that comes up when you Google my name. It seems that whenever you meet lots of new people everyone Googles each other. I may be guilty of this to some extent. So I'd best give my new acquaintances and would be stalkers something up to date to read.


First off, I finished my Fine Art degree. I gritted my teeth and got through it. Despite despising the subject, contending with chronic pain after my appendectomy (Did I ever mention that?) and also partially rupturing my achilles tendon (boy did that hurt) I managed to achieve a 2:1 with honours and had a successful degree show at the end of it all. I will upload pictures to my neglected DeviantArt account in due course.
Here's one to look at in the meantime.

Secondly I got my motorbike up and running after dismantling it, cleaning it, upgrading parts and treating and respraying the frame. I also replaced the seat and added extra padding to make it that little bit comfier. Once all the work was done I was happily riding round the countryside, up and down the motorways and dual carriage ways at not so sensible speeds and bombing it up to the Lake District and Yorkshire Dales. Sephi of course did a lot of the work and also accompanied me on my ride outs.

Here is my pretty, I named her Flip as she's flipping temperamental! Sephi's VFR800 VTEC is behind.
Unfortunately sometime during the middle of August I had my first spill. It was bucketing down with rain and I came off on a diesel spill on a roundabout not too far from my house. I was riding much slower than usual, but the police said it's just one of those things, I didn't stand much of a chance once I'd hit the diesel. So my poor Flip has been written off essentially. It'd cost what I paid for her and all the subsequent upgrades and tidying up again to fix her. So it's not worth it especially as I was due to shell out several hundred on replacing the suspension soon anyway. As for how I faired, I was rushed off to A&E with a suspected fractured pelvis and stuck on a morphine drip. They then decided it was just soft tissue damage but I had a fractured elbow, which they then later decided was also soft tissue damage. I'm fine now though. So I'm currently bike less, or rather I just have a push bike. Ah well I can save myself some money now I no longer have a car or motorbike as I won't have the rising price of petrol to contend with. Hopefully next year when I move in with Sephi I can look at getting another bike.

Thirdly, I got accepted onto a Nursing degree course at LJMU! I'm currently in my 7th week of the course and loving it. I've moved into halls of residence in Liverpool city centre, which is a little odd as I'm living with a bunch of girls all 4 years my junior. I didn't realise what a difference 4 years can make. Ah well, they're all lovely girls so I get along with them just fine. I love living in Liverpool. I get my uniform tomorrow which is exciting, and I start my first placement in November.

Onto the whole appendix situation. For some reason I never mentioned the whole getting my my appendix removed ordeal, started off with crippling pain in the night, which got worse on a day trip to Malvern, met an ignorant Primary Care doctors who classed me as an attention seeking insomniac with bad wind, the following morning I was needing "emergency surgery" and later suffering from dehydration from being on "Nil by Mouth" for 36 hours without a drip and nearly not being able to go into theatre. It was dramatic, though I only remember bits as I was either in shock from the pain or doolally on morphine.
Anyway following the surgery I looked pregnant (swollen abdomen and trapped air) and walked slower than an elderly person with 2 sticks. I also fell down the stairs and managed to tear my abdominal muscles. Clever girl. Once I was sort of mobile again I dyed my hair bright pink, pierced my nipples and bought a motorbike. Inappropriate yes I know. So that was all last August.
Speed up to current day, I'm still in pain. After months of doctors saying take some pain killers and shut up it'll sort itself I've finally been referred to a consultant. Magically around the 12 month mark of non abating pain they started to take me seriously. So I've been diagnosed with a Neuroma; a growth or tumour of nerve tissue. It's developed at the incision site along with lots of nasty scar tissue. Fun fun fun. I'm currently awaiting a referral from the "Pain Team" to have steroid injections to kill it. If that doesn't work, then I'm in for day surgery apparently to cut the damned thing out. I can't wait to be pain free. 14 months now and I hate it!